Dealing with Naysayers

Earl Nightingale said that “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal”.

While working on an idea or goal, you encounter many people who try to discourage you, criticize you, or straight-forwardly tell you not to do what you are doing. They are naysayers.

In this video, I am going to share with you what their types are and how to deal with them.

I used to post on my blog about my professional experience and tips and tricks on how to accomplish a few things. One of my old colleagues called me. He recently learned that I am writing a blog about my professional work. I was surprised at why he called me after so much time.

After a discussion about some useless points, he started to discuss my blog. He told me that while searching for a topic, he came across my blog. He told me that it was a good article. But why are you wasting your time? Nothing comes out of it. You know I am your best beneficiary; there is no benefit from it. Do something better. You know that person is the CEO of the company. He never did that.

My brother wants to study abroad. He is trying to get a student visa. Recently, Aunt Jade’s phone call came from someplace.

She told my father that there was no benefit to it; don’t waste money. It’s not easy there, and then there are better alternatives. My son got the degree, but he did not get the job. So don’t waste time and money on it.

Many times in life, we encounter someone who seems to be our beneficiary, but they try to stop us from doing something we are doing. Are they afraid of something, do they lack perspective, or are they truly our beneficiaries? Based on my observations, I can categorize these individuals into three types. Also share with you how you can deal with them.

  Idea junkies.

These people have a lot of ideas. They remember the success stories of other people. They know what is required to be successful, but their actual lives are miserable. They try to drag you into the discussion and show you that they know the valid reasons for your failures. They share a similar idea implemented by Mr. XYZ. But they failed. Actually, they know what you are going to accomplish in your life. And they did not want you to advance in life. When they told you that you would not be able to succeed, under the hood, they were saying that I could not do that. Why are you doing it? These people have a lot of ideas. And they got tired of implementing some ideas in their lives.  The problem with them is not you, but themselves. They have a lot of ideas. They implemented some ideas, but when pressure or unsatisfactory results emerged, they lost interest and abandoned their work. Actually, they did not tell you you couldn’t do that; instead, they are saying they could not do that. They told you that instead of doing what you are doing, there are alternative ideas on which you have to work. The idea you are working on is worthless and out of date. The best solution for these people is to just listen to them and not act. If they insist, just ask them about any achievements in their life.

  Time wasters

These people just come to you to kill their time. They have a lot of spare time. They enjoy conversation; they engage you in unnecessary discussion. They know they are going to waste your time. Instead of encouraging you, they discourage you because they need time from you. Instead of succeeding or failing, they just want to enjoy your company. They told you that when life is easy, why are you putting your time into working on some ideas? Enjoy your life. You will find these people in exactly the same position as they are. The solution to this is to avoid them at all costs. They are just energy and resource drainers.

Critical buster.

These types of people exist everywhere. Unknowingly, they want to become your boss. They have problems with every solution. They told you that your work is not good. You need to make extra-ordinary efforts to achieve something. They try to discourage you by finding mistakes in your work. They told you that other people were doing much better than you. Basically, they are useless people. They always have problems with each solution. They cannot give you a solution, but they criticize and find problems in every situation. Compared to idea junkies, critical busters have some achievements in their lives. They did not allow other people to grow. They intentionally critique your work. Their basic purpose is to discourage you. The only solution for these people is to evade their criticism. Never take things personally. Consider that their criticism is pointing to someone else, not you. Just consider it an opinion. If you find something good in criticism, work on it. If it is just for the sake of crushing you, just ignore it. These critic busters have some achievements in their lives. Always deal with them proactively. Never give them a reactive response. Success does not come easily; it takes time and patience, and slow and steady wins the race. You have to stay persistent. When negativity enters your life, it presents a challenge to overcome. When Nayser tells you that, due to a certain reason, you cannot do that, don’t ignore them, knowing that they actually told you that you can do that. Take it as a challenge. Put in your efforts. When these people discourage you and you are unintentionally getting low, just consider why.   I hope you like this video. See you in another video.

احساس جرم کے بغیر نہ کہنے کے بارے میں 6 نکات

میں یہ نہیں کر سکتا؛ میں معافی چاہتا ہوں.

سچ میں، کسی کو نہ کہنے سے آپ کو برا لگتا ہے۔ ہاں 

مجھے یہ بلکل اچھا نہی لگتا ۔ نا  کرنے پر 

ایسا محسوس ہوتا ہے کہ دوسرے لوگ آپ کو غیر تعاون کرنے والے یا سخت شخص کے طور پر جان  سکتے ہیں۔

اس سوچ سے، ہم نہیں نہیں کہہ سکتے کیونکہ اس طرح ہم پچھتاوے کا شکار ہوتے ہیں ۔

ہم سوچنے لگتے ہیں کہ اگر ہم نہیں کہیں گے تو اس سے دوسروں کو مایوسی ہوگی اور دوسروں پر منفی اثرات مرتب ہوں گے۔

بنیادی طور پر، ہم سب  لوگوں کو خوش کرنا چاہتے ہیں۔ – براہ مہربانی.

حال ہی میں، میں نے پیٹی بریٹ مین اور کونی ہیچ کی کتاب “How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty” پڑھی۔ یہ کتاب اعتماد کے ساتھ نہ کہنے کے بارے میں بہت سے نکات فراہم کرتی ہے۔ اور ہم فکر، جرم اور اضطراب کے ان جذبات کو ہمیشہ کے لیے کنٹرول کرنے  یا ان سے چھٹکارا پانے کا حل جانتے  ہیں۔

https://youtu.be/W2YrxOQ9UUs

یہاں ٦ ٹیک ویز ہیں:

1. نہ کہنے کا سب سے اہم فائدہ یہ ہے کہ آہم  ان سرگرمیوں کے لیے وقت اور توانائی کو بچاتے ہیں  جن سے ہم لطف اندوز ہوتے ہیں۔ لیکن اصل میں نا ، بہت سے لوگوں کو ناراض کرسکتا ہے . تاہم، ہم سب کو مطمئن نہیں کر سکتے۔

2. ہمیں یہ سمجھنا ہوگا کہ ہماری ترجیحات اور اقدار کیا ہیں۔ جسمانی اور ذہنی  صحت کے لیے کیا ضروری ہے؟ ہماری ترجیحات ہمیں بتاتی ہیں ،  کہ کب نا  کہنا ہے۔

3. نہ کہنے کے لیے آسان الفاظ استعمال کریں۔ معافی مانگنے یا بہانے بنانے کی ضرورت نہیں ہے۔ بس اتنا کہیے، “میں ایسا نہیں کر سکتا۔” بس اتنا کہیے کہ نہیں شکریہ۔ اگر آپ بہانے بنایں  گے تو بحث ہوگی، اور وہ آپ کو دلائل میں گھسیٹیں گے اور آپ کو قائل کریں گے۔

5. نہیں کہنے کی مشق شروع کریں۔ ایک چھوٹی  سی بات سے نا کہنا  شروع کریں؛ بعد میں، آپ بڑے سے انکار کرنے کے لیے اعتماد پیدا ہو گا ۔ آہستہ لیکن فعال طرح سے  شروع کریں۔

6. اگر آپ جرم محسوس کرتے ہیں، تو اپنے بارے میں سوچیں، نہ کہ دوسرے کیا سوچتے ہیں۔ لوگوں کو خوش کرنے کے لیے نہیں۔ اپنی وجہ بنائیں اور اسے خود  تک رکھیں۔ اپنے آپ سے اچھی باتین  کریں ؛ یہ آپ کے جرم  کے احساس کو مٹا دے گا۔

7. اپنے انکار پر ثابت قدم رہیں۔ ذہن میں رکھیں کہ آپ کی ہاں دراصل نا  ہے۔ اور اگر انکار سے بچو گے تو بعد میں تلخ ہو گی۔ مضبوطی اور نرمی سے نہ کہیں۔

یاد رکھیں کہ دوسروں کی ضرورتوں کو اپنی ضرویات  پر ترجح نا دیں  یہ  عدم اطمینان کا باعث بنتا ہے اور وقت کے ساتھ ساتھ آپ کی خوشی کو تباہ کر دیتا ہے۔ خود کی دیکھ بھال کی مشق کرنا اور ترجیحات کی بنیاد پر فیصلے کرنا آپ کو بہتر نتائج فراہم کرنے میں مدد کرتا ہے اور آپ کو دوسروں کے لیے  پورا  وقت دینے  کے قابل بناتا ہے۔