Jeevan mein ek sitara tha,
Mana woh behad pyara tha,
Woh toot gaya toh toot gaya
Amber ke aanan ko dekho
Kitne iske taare toote
Kitne iske pyare chhoote
Jo chhoot gaye phir kahan mile,
Par bolo toote taaron par
kab amber shok manata hai
Jo beet gayi so baat gayi
Troubles are like babies, they grow larger by nursing -Lady Holland
We often share our problems because we seek relief. We want someone to listen so that our stress feels lighter. Sometimes, we believe that by sharing, our problems will be solved—or at least become easier to accept. Speaking about them gives us a temporary sense of comfort.
But the reality is different.
Everyone carries their own burdens. Most people are not truly interested in hearing about others’ problems. People usually meet to relax, to laugh, and to momentarily escape their own worries. When we repeatedly share our troubles, others may feel irritated, emotionally drained, or begin to avoid us altogether.
This is why silence is often wiser than sharing.
I once read that worries increase when we share them with others, but decrease when we sit with them in silence. Silence forces us to face the problem directly, rather than spreading it outward.
Many times, those who seem eager to listen are not genuinely concerned. Some people are drawn to stories of struggle because it reassures them that someone else is stuck, failing, or suffering. They may enjoy the information, not your healing. They care less about what happens to you and more about the fact that you have problems. Sharing with such people only deepens our vulnerability.
This is why Gautama Buddha taught:
“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.”
If speaking does not bring clarity, peace, or wisdom, then silence is the better choice.
Stoic philosophy echoes the same truth: focus only on what is within your control. If a problem is beyond your control, worrying about it—or discussing it endlessly—serves no purpose. Accept it, and redirect your energy toward what you can change.
Similarly, some Sufi saints advise:
Share your problems only with Allah, in prayer. Do not share them with people—because no one can truly solve them for you.
Prayer, reflection, and inner dialogue strengthen the soul. Complaints weaken it.
In the end, silence builds resilience. Awareness brings acceptance. And responsibility for our problems always begins—and ends—within us.
To overcome any addiction or bad habit, there are generally two approaches: cold turkey and incremental change. Both have their own strengths and limitations.
Cold turkey means making a firm decision and stopping the habit completely—at once. After that decision, there is no negotiation. Cravings appear, cues arise, but you take no action. This approach demands strong willpower and consistent effort. It is not easy, but it can be very effective. It is often said that it takes around 21 days to build a habit, and in a similar way, it takes time and discipline to break one.
The second approach is gradual or incremental change. In this method, you slowly reduce the habit instead of stopping suddenly. This usually involves less pain and feels more manageable. For example, my best friend quit smoking using this approach. He was addicted to finishing an entire pack of cigarettes in a day. Over time, he reduced the number little by little—until it eventually reached zero.
In my view, incremental change works well for building good habits, because it feels sustainable and gentle. But when it comes to breaking a bad habit, the cold turkey approach is often more effective. It may be harder, but with the right attitude and commitment, it brings faster clarity and lasting change.
I am learning to live in the present moment, though I find it a little difficult.
My mind often wanders into the depths of the past, trying to understand why things happened.
At other times, it jumps into the future, worrying about what might happen next.
But when I consciously practice staying present, I begin to feel calmer and a little happier.
The truth is, we cannot change the past.
We can only accept it as it is.
As Lao Tzu said:
“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”
Sometimes the present feels like standing on a staircase.
From there, you can see both what lies below and what lies ahead—the past and the future.
Yet, your feet remain firmly on the step you are standing on now.
The mind constantly jumps between the past and the future, but I gently bring it back to the present moment.
I focus on what I am doing and how I am doing it.
While traveling, I recite holy words and give them my full attention.
When chanting, my mind becomes completely absorbed in the sound of the words.
This presence keeps me free from thoughts of the past and worries about the future—and brings a quiet sense of peace.