Troubles are like babies, they grow larger by nursing -Lady Holland
We often share our problems because we seek relief. We want someone to listen so that our stress feels lighter. Sometimes, we believe that by sharing, our problems will be solved—or at least become easier to accept. Speaking about them gives us a temporary sense of comfort.
But the reality is different.
Everyone carries their own burdens. Most people are not truly interested in hearing about others’ problems. People usually meet to relax, to laugh, and to momentarily escape their own worries. When we repeatedly share our troubles, others may feel irritated, emotionally drained, or begin to avoid us altogether.
This is why silence is often wiser than sharing.
I once read that worries increase when we share them with others, but decrease when we sit with them in silence. Silence forces us to face the problem directly, rather than spreading it outward.
Many times, those who seem eager to listen are not genuinely concerned. Some people are drawn to stories of struggle because it reassures them that someone else is stuck, failing, or suffering. They may enjoy the information, not your healing. They care less about what happens to you and more about the fact that you have problems. Sharing with such people only deepens our vulnerability.
This is why Gautama Buddha taught:
“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.”
If speaking does not bring clarity, peace, or wisdom, then silence is the better choice.
Stoic philosophy echoes the same truth: focus only on what is within your control. If a problem is beyond your control, worrying about it—or discussing it endlessly—serves no purpose. Accept it, and redirect your energy toward what you can change.
Similarly, some Sufi saints advise:
Share your problems only with Allah, in prayer. Do not share them with people—because no one can truly solve them for you.
Prayer, reflection, and inner dialogue strengthen the soul. Complaints weaken it.
In the end, silence builds resilience. Awareness brings acceptance. And responsibility for our problems always begins—and ends—within us.