In many parts of life, we put the weight of everything on our own shoulders. We want to do so many things, but the bitterness of life often seeps into us and makes us bitter inside. The same thing happened to me.
There were many things I wanted to achieve, but I saw how some people got ahead using family politics. Sometimes, I even wondered if my parents valued other people more than me. That was my reality. The people who were more politically strong and ambitious defeated me — and people naturally side with those who win. As a result, bitterness grew inside me.
I started feeling like an entitled child — whatever I wished for was granted, but only within a limited, overprotected environment. Because of this, my world was small. Being overprotected, I never learned how to stand on my own, to walk, run, or deal with people and their agendas.
Whenever things didn’t go my way, I started questioning myself. Pain and suffering would grow inside me. My behavior towards those people became bitter, and of course they pointed out that my attitude was the problem. They were right — though I realized it much later — that my attitude was indeed part of the problem. Even now, I still find traces of that bitterness within me.
One thing I’ve learned is this: the pain and bitterness may still be there, but I can overcome it. It’s normal to accept that everyone — even your parents — has their own life, their own priorities, and their own way of thinking. They act according to their own goals and agendas. Accepting this fact was very difficult for me, but it gave me freedom. They are not me.
Another thing that helped me is Stoicism. It taught me to focus only on what is in my control — and my attitude is in my control. In the past, whenever I saw the people who wronged me, I would get angry. Their clever behavior would pump anger through my veins, and I would react badly. Now, I try to focus on the outcome: What will happen if I act this way? Instead of responding with bitterness, I stay silent or ignore them. I shift my focus elsewhere.
True freedom began when I realized that I can control my attitude. I decide where to direct my focus. I also think about what I want as an end result — and whether my actions lead me there.
Even now, the bitterness hasn’t completely disappeared. When I meet those people, sometimes a smile crosses my face — because I see how small they truly are. I know they see me as foolish or naive. They believe they make better decisions and get better results. Maybe they do. Sometimes, I wonder what I lost and what I have become. They defeated me in some ways, but they didn’t destroy me. They think they are the best — but that’s only true in their eyes.
The most important thing I learned is to keep a distance. When a snake bites you, you don’t love the snake just because it’s “yours.” You understand it, you accept what it is — and you stay away.
So the bottom line is this: whatever the situation, you can control your attitude. Maybe you had a bad attitude in the past — but you can change it now. Right now is the moment to start. Face them if you must, deal with them if you must, but be aware. Don’t let the same snake bite you twice. If you can’t control your attitude around them, avoid them. Make new friends. Remember, not everyone is bad — don’t let the bitterness of a few people poison your heart.
Lastly, I realized something important: no one is coming to save you. You are your own cure. You must understand yourself, listen to yourself, and heal yourself. If you don’t, no one will.
