Why we share our problems with others ?

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Troubles are like babies, they grow larger by nursing -Lady Holland
We often share our problems because we seek relief. We want someone to listen so that our stress feels lighter. Sometimes, we believe that by sharing, our problems will be solved—or at least become easier to accept. Speaking about them gives us a temporary sense of comfort.

But the reality is different.

Everyone carries their own burdens. Most people are not truly interested in hearing about others’ problems. People usually meet to relax, to laugh, and to momentarily escape their own worries. When we repeatedly share our troubles, others may feel irritated, emotionally drained, or begin to avoid us altogether.

This is why silence is often wiser than sharing.

I once read that worries increase when we share them with others, but decrease when we sit with them in silence. Silence forces us to face the problem directly, rather than spreading it outward.

Many times, those who seem eager to listen are not genuinely concerned. Some people are drawn to stories of struggle because it reassures them that someone else is stuck, failing, or suffering. They may enjoy the information, not your healing. They care less about what happens to you and more about the fact that you have problems. Sharing with such people only deepens our vulnerability.

This is why Gautama Buddha taught:

“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.”

If speaking does not bring clarity, peace, or wisdom, then silence is the better choice.

Stoic philosophy echoes the same truth: focus only on what is within your control. If a problem is beyond your control, worrying about it—or discussing it endlessly—serves no purpose. Accept it, and redirect your energy toward what you can change.

Similarly, some Sufi saints advise:

Share your problems only with Allah, in prayer. Do not share them with people—because no one can truly solve them for you.

Prayer, reflection, and inner dialogue strengthen the soul. Complaints weaken it.

In the end, silence builds resilience. Awareness brings acceptance. And responsibility for our problems always begins—and ends—within us.

Cold turkey and incremental change

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To overcome any addiction or bad habit, there are generally two approaches: cold turkey and incremental change. Both have their own strengths and limitations.

Cold turkey means making a firm decision and stopping the habit completely—at once. After that decision, there is no negotiation. Cravings appear, cues arise, but you take no action. This approach demands strong willpower and consistent effort. It is not easy, but it can be very effective. It is often said that it takes around 21 days to build a habit, and in a similar way, it takes time and discipline to break one.

The second approach is gradual or incremental change. In this method, you slowly reduce the habit instead of stopping suddenly. This usually involves less pain and feels more manageable. For example, my best friend quit smoking using this approach. He was addicted to finishing an entire pack of cigarettes in a day. Over time, he reduced the number little by little—until it eventually reached zero.

In my view, incremental change works well for building good habits, because it feels sustainable and gentle. But when it comes to breaking a bad habit, the cold turkey approach is often more effective. It may be harder, but with the right attitude and commitment, it brings faster clarity and lasting change.

Living in the Present Moment

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I am learning to live in the present moment, though I find it a little difficult.
My mind often wanders into the depths of the past, trying to understand why things happened.
At other times, it jumps into the future, worrying about what might happen next.

But when I consciously practice staying present, I begin to feel calmer and a little happier.

The truth is, we cannot change the past.
We can only accept it as it is.

As Lao Tzu said:

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

Sometimes the present feels like standing on a staircase.
From there, you can see both what lies below and what lies ahead—the past and the future.
Yet, your feet remain firmly on the step you are standing on now.

The mind constantly jumps between the past and the future, but I gently bring it back to the present moment.
I focus on what I am doing and how I am doing it.

While traveling, I recite holy words and give them my full attention.
When chanting, my mind becomes completely absorbed in the sound of the words.
This presence keeps me free from thoughts of the past and worries about the future—and brings a quiet sense of peace.

Comfort Zone is Death Zone.

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Once, I was comfortable with my work. I worked hard—day and night.
Over time, that comfort turned into a routine. The same kind of work kept coming, and I was only fixing familiar problems.

Then a new technology arrived. I didn’t get a chance to work on it.
I started asking why. The answer was simple but painful:
New work is for new people; old work is for old people.

Again, I was comfortable—but this time, it was clearly a comfort zone.
Slowly, I began to stagnate.
That’s when the fear of becoming obsolete started to appear.

Ironically, that fear gave me the push I needed to step out of my comfort zone.

You know, the comfort zone is a death zone.
It keeps shrinking day by day, and one day, it disappears completely that day you die.
The toughest moment is when you finally get the chance to step out.

Many people who stay stuck in their comfort zones eventually become obsolete and are forced to move in another direction.

ہم کون ہیں

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یہ سوال ہمیں اپنے آپ سے ضرور پوچھنا چاہیے جب ہم غصّے میں ہوں۔ یہ ایسا سوال ہے جس کا کوئی سیدھا جواب نہیں، لیکن یہ ہماری سوچ اور سچائی کو بدل سکتا ہے۔ اور جب آپ یہ سوال اُس وقت پوچھتے ہیں جب آپ کسی وجہ سے پریشان ہوں تو اس کا اثر اور بھی گہرا ہوتا ہے۔

صوفی، سنت اور فقیر یہ سوال اُس وقت پوچھتے ہیں جب اُن کا ذہن شور مچا رہا ہوتا ہے۔

ہر چیز سوچ سے شروع ہوتی ہے، اور سچائی کو بھی سوچ کے ذریعے بدلا جا سکتا ہے۔

تو آج کا لاگ یہیں ختم کرتے ہیں۔ اس سوال کو اُس وقت استعمال کریں جب آپ ڈسٹرکٹ ہوں، ذہن کو کنٹرول کرنا ہو، یا غیر ضروری خیالات چل رہے ہوں۔

Mohobbat iss qadar rooh ke dar aayi hai,

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Sitting in my room, I did not do anything important this week end. I feel Naazar lagi gee. Kuch kernay koo dill hi nahee ker raha.

But before going to Sleep this theme song came in to my mind.

For whom, I did not know.

  • Mohobbat iss qadar rooh ke dar aayi hai, (Love has come to the door of the soul like this)
  • Lamhon lamhon mein yeh aankhein bhar aayi hai, (In moments, these eyes have filled up)
  • Mohobbat…
  • Tumhein chaahne ki qeematein hai ki adaa, (The price/way to want you is this…)
  • Saasein mohlat qarz-e-giryaa se le kar aayi hai, (Breaths have taken time from the debt of tears)
  • Mohobbat…
  • Socha tha chale jayenge humaare khwaab-o-khayaal, (Thought we would go away in our dreams and thoughts)
  • Khwabon ki woh saer laut ke ghar aayi hai, (That walk of dreams has come back home)

After reading 101 Zen stories 101

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After reading Zen Stories 101, I realized that in ancient times, everything you practiced was considered a form of meditation. Meditation simply means focusing on your aim while letting all other thoughts come and go without attachment.

In the book The Practicing Mind, the author—who is a musician—explains that a musician repeats the same chord 55 times a day. If he skips this disciplined practice, he cannot perform well on stage. During this repetition, the mind creates noise: “There are more important things to do,” “Why am I doing this again?” But the musician stays focused on practice despite the distractions.

This is meditation too—whether you sit and focus on your breath, watching thoughts come and go, or whether you repeat a skill until your mind stops resisting. Meditation teaches you to focus so deeply that even the fear of death dissolves.

One Zen story tells of an ancient general who practiced archery meditation for more than 10 years. In another story, a young man excelled at wrestling in private practice but failed in public due to fear and shyness. When he sought help from a Zen master, he was told to meditate and create inner “waves” in his mind. Through practice, he generated such powerful mental waves that his fears were washed away. Eventually, he conquered his mind and performed confidently.

So meditation is not only sitting quietly; it is anything you practice with full presence. By repeating the same action again and again, you conquer boredom and the mind’s excuses. Even when the mind says, “You already know this; you are already a master,” true meditation is returning to practice with humility and focus.

One timeless truth of life is the present moment.

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If there is one mantra for success, it is this: do your best in the task at hand.
The only way forward is to fully commit to what you are doing right now.

A better future is built by the efforts you put into the present moment.
Meditation simply means focusing on the now—being fully engaged with what you are doing.

Even the idea of “practice makes perfect” is nothing more than repeating the same task with full attention, without letting negative or distracting thoughts pull you away—thoughts like “I should be doing something else,” “This is boring,” or “This isn’t important.”

Remember, life is short. Imagine that tomorrow might be your last day.
Then give your 100% to your work, spend time with your family and friends, and honor what truly matters to you.